1982

"It's all downhill after this, you know.  The '90s are going to SUCK."

I just stumbled across a random article about the poor initial reception that John Carpenter's The Thing received before its eventual critical reappraisal.  The most shocking fact in the article is that The Thing, E.T., Blade Runner, The Wrath of Khan, Conan the Barbarian, The Secret of NIMH, and Tron all came out around the same time.  The Thing didn't make much money because it was competing against goddamn E.T. and the Wrath of Freaking Khan?  Yeah, that's some stiff competition.

And of course, this was the year between Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi and all of that.  Holy fuck, the early eighties are a gold mine.  THE gold mine.  I'm pissed off that i was so young back then and couldn't appreciate a bit of it, especially since my family never went to the movies.  I wonder if kids today will look back in 25 years and marvel that a single year could contain the infinite glory of Thor II, The Man of Steel, Hobbit II, and Iron Man III?  See, we kind of scoff at that, but we absolutely cannot put ourselves into the mindset of of an 8-year old kid and how their movies are affecting them.  Their imaginations could be profoundly influenced by what we geezers view as simple blockbusters, which are enjoyable but forgettable, and certainly NOT on the same level as the eternal masterwork that is Tron.

Chronorin on DeviantArt.
Behance Gallery. 
Twitter. 
Pinterest. 
Quora. 
LinkedIn. 
CGTalk. 
Tumblr. 

The Boba Fett Diaries

"You there, Kasdan!  Make me cool again.  Please...."

You know, i don't think about Star Wars ever these days, except when some random tidbit appears on the Fark forums.  From what i understand, in a year, maybe two, my days of NOT thinking about Star Wars will be over.  Disney is gearing up to make the most of their 4 billion dollar purchase, and as we sit here, they are prepping to unleash more Star Wars than George Lucas could ever dream of. They're gonna get that 4 billion back one way or another, whether we like it or not.  I'm not really looking forward to it.  A Yoda movie?  A Boba Fett movie?  Whaaa...?

When discussing the possibility of a Boba Fett movie, some of those older nerds articulated something i'd never really understood -- the tremendous fascination that they had with Boba Fett, followed by a letdown.  They describe how action figures and art and posters of Boba Fett leaked and were promoted by Lucas's fledgling merchandising wing even before Empire Strikes Back was released -- and in the pre-internet days, this was exclusive, thrilling shit that these nerds collected, treasured, shared with friends, and wondered over.  This was the golden age of the golden age of Star Wars; they were 12-13 years old; the first movie was still legendary, they had watched it a hundred times, and all they knew is that there were two (or five) more movies coming, and they were going to contain Boba Fett and lots of other new characters, and Star Wars was simply the newest, best, most exciting thing that they would love for years and years to come.

Empire came out, it was fucking incredible, and Boba Fett... well, you didn't learn much about him.  He didn't talk, but he looked cool, and even Vader acquiesced to his demand for payment.  It was a great introduction to the character, and they all knew that when the third movie came out, the true coolness and mystery of Boba Fett would be revealed!  Yes!

...then he showed up, didn't say much, and got comically knocked into the Sarlaac Pit and died, i guess.

.......the letdown, they say, was crushing and embarrassing.  I mean, it didn't ruin the movie, they were still orgasming at seeing the Emperor and Vader's real face, but... damn, man, Boba Fett.  They spent five years drawing Boba Fett on their school notebooks, and discussing his significance with friends and it turned out that he had none really.  I never knew of this.

I am enriched by hearing these tales from the Ancient Nerds, these tales of the old times i can barely remember.


There's a wild rumor that the guy tasked with writing The Boba Fett Diaries dislikes his prequel origins so much that he wants to make "Boba Fett" an unknown guy who kills the real Boba, steals his armor, and goes on to become a legend.  That.... would be better.  Because when you really look at the "secret" of Boba Fett, it's actually incredibly lame.  See, the truth about Boba Fett is... well, that he's a clone of the guy that they cloned to make the original Stormtroopers, only he didn't have his balls genetically shrunken to be docile and lame.  So he wears a mask, because if people saw his face, they'd say, "Hey!  You're one of those original Stormtroopers!  Shine my shoes, biatch!" and he'd have to explain again, for the umpteenth time, no, no, i'm not one of those.  There are about 500 million clones who look just like me, and they all totally suck, but i'm the only one who's unique, because i'm an unaltered clone... so... i'm exactly like my dad?  More or less?  Fuck, that's lame."


That is lame.

Chronorin on DeviantArt.
Behance Gallery. 
Twitter. 
Pinterest. 
Quora. 
LinkedIn. 
CGTalk. 
Tumblr.

The Fast and the Frivolous

"You like Hondas?  We never have any problems with Hondas, no leaks or anything like that.  Hondas are great."

I've been watching the Fast & the Furious series with a buddy this week, because honestly, i've never seen any of them before.  I'm not really a car guy, see.  But when given the chance to fill this hole in my pop culture knowledge, i jumped.  Nothing like some good dumb fun after Computer Chess and Upstream Color, right?

Right.

My ultimate verdict -- these movies are completely awesome dumb fun in a way that Bayformers and other trash movies could not ever hope to be.  If you don't like Vin Diesel or the Rock, then i do not care to know you.  The strange thing about watching all of them at once is how the action in each movie is magnified until it reaches the elephantiasis proportions found in part 6.  Remember how the first one all came down to Paul Walker's one daring 3-foot leap from a car onto a semi?  Doesn't that seem so quaint now that they're leaping from planes and being launched from tanks to make miracle saves on bridges?

It does.

Out of all the movies, i think i enjoyed the third one a little more than i should have.  I mean, it's in Japan, and nerds like Japan, and i'm a nerd.

Fast and the Furious 3: Tokyo Drift.  The bastard chapter of a once-floundering franchise that contain no Paul Walker and only a small cameo by Vin Diesel at the end.  I'd seen parts of this movie on TV, but seeing it all at once is hilarious.

In case you don't know, it's about a rowdy redneck kid who is sent to live with his father and go to school in Tokyo because he raises entirely too much hell in the USA.  It's funny how on his first day of school in Tokyo, stock characters just approach him for no reason.  He just ambles about the yard after classes, and this happens...

"Yo, fool!  I'm yo' fast-talking little hustler sidekick!  What it be, holmes?  We friends now.  Best friends!"

"Hi, i'm a cool older mentor figure.  Here, borrow my car and race it.  Why not, right?  I have tons of money, and can give you access to things and places you would not normally have.  Want to come to the cool underground racing world full of cars, babes, and villains?"

"Hi, i'm an unreasonably attractive babe.  I like you for no reason, but... [bites lip seductively] that villainous thug over there has dibs on me... oh, if only..."

"I'm a villainous thug!  I will humiliate you in front of everyone, and when you fight back... arrgh, there's just something about you, i know already that all my energies must be focused on destroying you.  I just... hate... you."

The funniest part is near the end.  Keep in mind, the protagonist is supposed to be a high school kid.  He's a kid.  And then this occurs...

"Dad... i've run afoul of the Yakuza on my first week of school.  They are going to kill me because i keep standing up to them and talking to this hot girl."

"That's it, you're going back to America, son!"

"No, dad!  I'm a man.  I have to handle this myself.  I must face the Yakuza.  Alone."

"You're right, son.  I'm so proud of you."

And then his dad lets him go.  No calling the police.  No calling his mother.  Nothing.  Because being a man is the burden of being a man.  Sometimes your teenage son gets into blood feuds with the Japanese Mafia, and you have to let him sort it out for himself.  Don't want to be a coddler.

 Twitter.

Behance.

Pinterest.

Tumblr.

Quora.

CGSociety.
Biznik.
LinkedIn